Friday, December 30, 2011

head swirling in this new cloud

last night didnt get much sleep, because anne came over and we hang out til 6am hahaha.
then i had to go off to lab to check on my cells and such.

this time i went myself and i was so prepared and sure of myself and my labwork, that for once, I am not afraid of who i meet there. I walked confidently knowing how much I've done, and what I need to do. no more of being stressed or running away. somehow i feel this is a significant achievement. a step closer to graduating.

another source of my muddled thoughts is this boy.
he's a 1994, going to debut with a new SM group called EXO. His name is Kai.
he worries me so much because at times he looks like Taemin. its his jaw i think, and his lips.

i'm guessing he is Taemin's friend, the one taem talked abt long ago. He had a friend who he's close with, another trainee, about the same age. aish, this boy who shares taem's life, i am intrigued and at the same time jealous of him.

the SBS gayo daejun 2011, exo havent exactly debuted but kai shared the stage with taem and eunhyuk (suju). it bothers me, and yet i felt this transition was already written in history long before its coming. i guess it was just meant to be.

anyways, he's being promoted as the dancer in EXO. being promoted a bit...too much? haha. who cares? all's good. the music background is awesome though. i like to play it in the background. cant wait for the full song, and for them to debut finally.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

my weight management programme experience

Recently i got a coupon voucher to try out a weight management programme. i wont name it so they cant sue me kekeke. anyways, i was given fair warning from Anne regarding how they operate and how they lure you to join and pour tons and tons of money into these programs.

anyways, i know myself and i'm pretty sure i can withstand the pressure. my main goal was to experience it. i dont have any bad predispositions before i start the free treatment, so to keep an open view on it. i know i didnt want to enroll but was open to the idea of giving it as a gift to close family if it were really good.

anyways, they said i get a 3hours session for free. you register first for the session and they will assign you a weight management expert. they will supervise your progress throughout the programme.

here's the run-down. basically 1st hour is they lecture you on your weight and goals. this is not a bad thing. its very informative for those who have never learned anything on weight gain and its reasons, or even those who have basic information, as it gives alot of info.

2nd hour is where the treatment takes place.

3rd hour the haggle you into joining their program for the long run. (cheers!)

anyways, the free treatment session i got was like this.
started off with background check up. weight and height taken. they then tell you to strip (im so not comfortable with this) and put u in a towel and off into the steam room. im not sure how long this took but i was miserable in there. basically they are miniature steam rooms, separated by glass (tinted) for each customer. and we are told to sit in there and sweat it out. apparently the point of this is to awaken our metabolism and warm our bodies. the person in the stall beside me had to go out twice, and i was struggling to maintain in there longer than her. keeping my face buried in the face towel they gave, i could barely breath and i waited for the time to finish.

second part of the treatment, they put some sort of salt on it. they said its nano technology that is easier to penetrate to the fat layer below the skin. you have to lie butt naked on the table though, except for a disposable panty, that was awkward. she was talking and i was answering and im pretty sure a piece of salt flew into my mouth because the saltiness was unbearable for awhile i waited for it to dissipate. then they cover you with this plastic film, and then this grey huge blanket with wires and further more with towels. this is the infrared treatment, used to increase metabolism and open lymphnodes. forcing me to sweat summore for another 30mins. gosh, that was a longggggg 30mins. i was okay the first 15mins, and she came back, readjusted me, wiped sweat of my face (cos i cant move my arms under the blanket) and told me to give it another 15mins. i wanted to cry, singing replay to distract myself from the discomfort. it was pure torture. i'd give half hour jogging session a go rather than go through that again. i felt weak and nauseous afterwards. she told me to sit it out before showering.

the there was one last part, the electrical muscle stimulation therapy. basically using electric to stimulate the muscles (easy right?) and making it like ur muscle has gone thru hours of exercise. they wrapped it around my problem areas (which they determined by taking measurements while i was butt naked again =.= awkwardddddd) which are arms, thighs and tummy. i actually liked this part. i was exhausted from the other two, and could easily doze off with the vibrations. unfortunately this is the last part, thus she takes this time to bother me with all the details of registration, payment methods, and the many different programmes that she can get me in. i was so annoyed they had to ruin the only good part =.=

after which i was told to dress and go to the consultation room again where she haggled me to register as member for the next half hour. it was super annoying. i told her no like a gazillion times and she refused to have it. i categorically refused to give any card details or bank that i'm using, and stated clearly that i have no source of income. at some point she was practically raising her voice at me and arguing that i am cheating her. me? cheating her? wait a sec, i'm still the customer right? swt =.=" in the end, she finally let me go, quickly ushering me out the door. talk about giving the cold shoulder lmao.

it was a rough few hours. i spent 1-5pm in there and was famished by the end. maybe because of dehydration? maybe because of all the arguing? lmao. somehow in the back of my mind i kind of agree all that trouble was not worth the free treatment session at all, if it were not for my first experience.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

weird dreams

weird dream

last nite i slept around 1 and woke at 8. then i re-set the alarm to wake at 9 hahaha. but usually between these times is when i have the most colorful, eventful dreams.

okay they are weird dreams.

anyways i dont remember everything. but i do remember scrambling around doing kpop stalking. i'm pretty sure i was aiming for someone else (now awake, i'm rationalizing it as SHINee). but we were in an opera house. not sure who i was stalking with, but there were several. anyways, we could go only so far in front, but what do u know, we were right behind Beast. not all members. i'm guessing diba was with me cos i pointed out yeoseobie to her. everyone went crazy when he turned and waved. i was far right and i looked at the far right member. it was Doojoon. he looked and me and winked. hahaha it was cute, even in my dream.

Doo Joon

then i was on a bus. there was this tall lanky chinese guy. (now awake, i recognize him as the guy who does my glasses at alamanda hahaha). anyways he was hitting on me, and i was wary at first but i got comfortable around him after awhile. i fell asleep on the bus and when woke he was gone. turned around the back seat raiza was happily chatting away with him. i was annoyed straight away at how fickle he is. i guess even in dream land im insecure =.= ridiculous.

and then i was in this darkened big room. looks like a mall after hours. we were amongst bright paintings (looked like they were for sale), propped on chairs or on the floor, not hanging. talking animatedly with friends. i recognize one as Fiza, a biomed student i know from the previous batch. its been a long while since i last hang out with her, i used to back when we were in the same class. she's very lively and fun to be around. anyways i did see her at IBS a few weeks ago, at the surau. she is doing her masters and working in the lab below mine. i guess thats why she made a cameo in my dream. i should give her a call ^^

any ways we heard a ruckus in the other room and we all rushed over to look. there were many by-standers. i cant see much actually with all the people. not sure if it was an accident, a murder, or just a fight. i guess i've been watching too much violence on tv lately. we heard police was coming by to check and immediately we were worried (these were not normal police in my dreams, they had more like a ring-wraith feel to them and we shouldnt be caught in a place and time like that). so we rushed back to our painting selling place and acted normally. they stared at us as they passed us to the ruckus area. we discussed whether we seemed fishy or not, but i realized the display lights were off! obviously we have left the area for longer than i thought. it was disconcerting.

and suddenly i was away (i guess i ran) and was in another room. it was full white. feels like a hospital. and there was some one sick. they said she had campak (chicken pox?). she had to wear this weird mesh thing that covered her whole body including her face. they said it was so she can breathe easier and see through the mesh.
white mesh

i remember i tried on the mesh face thing too. it was the weirdest creation i've seen in my dreams haha.

anyways, that sums up my weird dream for today. its alot of gibberish i know, but i wanted to type it out. hahaha. maybe next time i'll share another one of my non-sense dreams~

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I will be better.

when I first listened to SHINee The First Japanese Album, I was immediately attracted to 'Better'. It just gave a feel, indescribable. I felt a pull towards the song that I cant pinpoint why.

I kept listening to this song over and over, liking the feelings it conjures. Then one day Diba pointed out a glaring fact about this song. I was surprised it never occurred to me. This song sounds like it was made for DBSK.

DBSK was my first kpop bias. I followed them til they went serious into Japan promotions. I couldnt stand the fact that Japan has taken over them so eventually I broke free of DBSK. and sadly to say I was super disappointed in their break up. It was a great loss to the Kpop community. I felt they are the greatest thing to happen to Kpop.

in 2008, I eventually moved on to SHINee. It wasnt much of a change, they had a similar feel. But somehow SHINee seemed more perfect for me. SHINee themselves are not perfect, they are flawed in their own ways, but also have their strengths too, and somehow they mirror exactly what I want and need from Kpop. Therefore since then I have stayed with SHINee, never able to break away from them. Even when eventually they made their migration to Japan too, I still cannot leave my SHINee babies. They are my reason to dance and be happy and to be alive (a totally other story, will get back on that).

So this song, which is sung by SHINee, but I felt a distance to it, something was missing...and to realize its because DBSK was meant to sing it. Listening to it now, I can totally understand why this song would be perfect for DBSK to sing. SHINee sounds great too, but listening carefully, you can hear their immaturity in terms of experience and vocals. I'm no expert but I do believe DBSK would do this song a great justice. But DBSK is no more... and somehow somewhere this song was passed on to SHINee. It doesnt sound like a song that SHINee normally sings, but I think they pulled it off anyways. It still sounds great and feel the longing and stirred emotions when I listen to it, only now I'm confused who is causing it really.

I guess we will never know since this song was just never meant to be.


Tuesday, December 20, 2011

eggs, party, xanderland and shinee-ing weekend! and life there after~

okayyyyyy so run down of what happened the past few days.
we had our first egg party!!!!
this is the decoration boxes that i made. picture courtesy of janics. the color coordination was done by anne, and she found this font. its called Cheri ^^ i think its super cute. added lights that anne bought from thailand. hahahaha it almost seems like anne's boxes =.= No! hahahaha i did the labor and its my idea anyway kekeke. okay, i allow her to share the credit ^^

but the end result is super nice, and it sure gave off an egg party feel. at night, the light came off to perfection giving our party and homely feel. loved it much! ^^
i'll hunt more night photos later.

in the end we all decided to sleepover (except janics =.= hahahaha janics u r not forgiven!!)
BBQ from the evening, played games all night, celebrated anne's bday with a whopping cake, then watched tv together, followed by a game of truth or dare in pajamas XD it was an epic party~!

the next day we were all tired, basically lazed around the house til noon, left for cheras for xander's solo showcase. it was alot of fun. they had this idea to give xander a bunch of tiffany-snsd's bottle of vita. this was to tease him for answering tiffany (for admired female idol) at the press conference the day before. when we gave it to him in a non stop series, he was so overwhelmed and blushing and happy XD its so fun to tease xander kekekeke. he reached out to shake out hands ^^

this is picture of the egg family after the xander date ^^ pic courtesy of janics. happy happy family, plus 4 unlaid ducks kekeke (inside joke ^^) dont we look like a nice happy family? ^^ eggs should have another gathering! its so much fun!

oh btw atiq ordered this:
T.T uuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhh its shinee's the first (japanese album). you know, after history of dbsk going japan and rarely resurfacing out of japan and then sudden break up, i have my doubts about my baby shinee going there. it was really very hard for me to even support the entire idea. i couldnt listen to the japan tracks, i felt shinee was taken from me T.T i know i know i need to support them no matter what! but it hurts to feel like they might be lost to me. sighhh

anyways to see the box set was so much pain!!!! i miss shinee so much it hurts! i look my baby taemin on the cover with his lovely pout kekeke. i finally listened to the songs. i really like better. i dunno, the melody really gets to me, and (after reading the translations), the lyrics feel like shinee's (taemin's?) message to me (hahahahahahaaha perasan much!). i do want to lean on shinee, they are my saviour, and after so many years, its a blessing to still love them so much.
anyways, continue with my life after the weekend, i had to do so much work for my fyp =.=

trust me, it may be small and seemingly effortless, but its really tiring this culture work
but truthfully, i really dont mind. i feel this is as good as it gets for a fyp XD so i thank God everyday for this opportunity hehe~

anyways, after my super long hours in the lab, i finish at 5, stop by alamanda for dba's mcD, came back at 6 and started with my sewing work. i finished 3 different things, and then worked on epsilon tshirts distribution. finishing that, i finally let myself rest. omg it 2am! i've been working for 7hours out of the house, and continue for another 7hours at home! i need rest!

but i had to wake at 8am to get to class. ethnopharmaco today had a discussion/debate assignment. not really worried about debating, but i was worried about what little i knew. thankfully, the title was not bad. EP/TCM should be fully supported by the government. We fought on the opposition side. I thought i spoke okay, gave my point, thankfully didnt stutter too much. then 11-1 i was back in the lab to finish my treatment of the cells. OMG i'm done with all seeding and treatment!! now only left reading mtt assay on friday and i'm done! well almost, done, last step is actually inverted microscopy at MAKNA for the chosen cell line and compound, but thats not til mid-january. also i must finish all my IC50 calculations.

yeah, i know i lost you with all my scientific jibberish kekeke. well, i'm just glad i have everything up to date and well in hand.

i also have a job interview on the 4th january. my dad's birthday haha. who knows? it might bring me luck ^^

Friday, December 16, 2011

Working out the chinks

Lol well no one wants to hear me rant about how tired, busy, exhausted, hectic, etc., etc., my life is yet again right? hahaha well its true. i feel so tired all the time, more like because i'm not getting enough sleep and also because of how i place my work ^^

I wanted to do so much yesterday, then i was burdened with a lab report for PKK and also a bring home assignment by Dr. Latifah for ethno class, that I was devastated. reached home before 6 i got straight to working non-stop til midnight on the 2 extra home work. okay, not exactly non-stop. i did walk it off everytime i feel i cant stand it anymore (which happens like every hour), and at one point (8pm) i actually walked off, sat on couch in front of tv and zoned out for half an hour before i can start again hahahaha. but overall, i finished typing everything for the ethno thing, and also finished my whole lab report XD

means for now i only have to concern myself with my lab work, fixing my esmp credit hours and also finishing the ethno work. need to research more for my store and also maybe a new sewing machine some day. not to mention need to pack a secret santa's gift and also finish my egg's party boxes by today. got to go to fac to return notes to Ee Ling by 10:30, 11:30 need to do treatment for my 2 cell plates, then continue with MTT assay at 1pm for the 2 other cells plates i did on monday.....uwarrrrghhhhh!!! i'll be done by 5pm hopefully!

and my weekend is filled with egg's party on saturday, and xander's show on sunday XD

some where some one please help me finish all my work so i can actually enjoy the other aspects of my life XD

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Taking on projects

I've been really pondering about the shop project. Thinking of the many things I want to put in there. omg, there's just so much work to finish, not to mention the products to be sold. and i have to deal with the epsilon shirts, and auditions, not to mention finishing my final year project and exams are in 3 weeks, I havent began studying yet, and everyday I'm gaining weight!!! I think currently my life is just so out of order!

But on the plus side, nothing is severely behind schedule (as during my november breakdown, as I have told you), yesterday I went to class and got all my Ethno attendance settled, met with my mentor for FYP and figured out my schedule for the next month, and surprisingly I am adept to all the new info (although slightly behind on the work), and then went to my PKK class, and it's finishing too (no more attendance to worry, only the finals to think about). Today is wednesday. i dont have any lab work to do til Friday, but I do have a Japanese final assignment to pass up today. I'll finish it during my free time now, since my PKK class is finished, and print it out and pass up later in the afternoon. Go to my FYP class later at 2, and sign and leave early and go home and settle as much about the shirts and auditions as I can, before finishing my party boxes! and of course, today will start my exercise routine. I swear if it rains again, I am going to do dance at home =.= because I am seriously packing on the pounds. =(

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Alternate project: Skirt

I dont really wear many skirts. I just realized how easy they were to make so decided to make one. I picked a polka dot blue. dunno why. i thought it would look nice, apparently it doesnt. i'll try several other fabrics first before showcasing them to sell =)))

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Project: Crochet flowers

Status: 100% done

When researching about ways and things to crochet, i came across these cute fun things that i can do. including flowers. there are a ton others, but i'll start small (haha, also since there's no way of finishing the hell lot of other things on my list T.T). anyways, this is what it looks like.

Pretty simple flowers. I made 2 of every color. Only 3 colors, and I was pretty tired with it. i want to try out other designs too, and for that I might update this page. But for now, I want to continue with finishing the project list first yeah~

[111211] so i experimented with this a little more. I liked a certain flower type i saw on yt. tried it with left over green yarn.

here's what it looks like half done. the petals taking shape.

i had to replace with blue since my green ran out. this is the end look.

i used my pretty light yellow color yarn to make a big flower.

also tried to make other sizes and types. i rather like the effect. can be made into decor, head gear, etc.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

By the skin on my teeth

i have had many close calls these past few semesters. ever since my new lease on life (aka my stubborness to get back to reality), i pushed one too many boundaries and often find myself in bad situations. i always have a very optimistic view on things, therefore I had a feeling I can scrape by everytime. But sometimes, close calls are just a tad too close for comfort.

take for example my november.

after doing teentop project, we decided to take a rest, and didnt focus on anything new for a while. i was forever delaying my fyp presentation too, and not studying for tests. then came wg project with deadline 30th nov. genting performance on 29th. fyp presentation on the 30th. test for metabolism on the 30th. then MOA weekend on 2nd and 3rd Dec. and 4th Dec performance for KTO. it was hell week, and nothing couldve prepared me for it.

for days i didnt sleep trying to figure things out, working as fast as i can, on sanity that bordered on breaking.

i just did the performance, and did the video editing, and did the presentation and did the test. i didnt think. i did.

cant say it was my best work, but it was done. under the consequences and with the stress levels involved, I'm actually proud of myself for having made it through the week.

I was actually applauded for doing pretty well at the fyp presentation. I cant celebrate that though. it was nearly all not my work, so I feel bad if I were to take credit for anything more than the 10minutes presentation that I did.

Also, i had a bad feeling of failing miserably for metabo test. its enough that Dr.Asmah doesnt like me =.= (which is entirely not my fault. she asked to change the schedule, but I cant accomodate, how is that my fault? why change the schedule in the first place? boo!) anyways, she declared in class that anyone who got score less than 40 (passing mark) for Test 2, must see her to get a borang (not sure for what, but apparently you have to inform your PA). not only that, the average marks for the class was on 56. giving no hope for any positive outcome. I was like, oh crap, I have to see her. and not only that, I have to apologize for bad marks. I was so sure that I got less than 40, I never thought of any other alternative =.=
then I braced myself and just went up to her room. it was locked, she wasnt in. i walked around the faculty and I saw she posted results for test 2. and I got 50!!! hahahaha (insert totally unself conscious jiggy here). wheeeeee! not only did I not fail, I actually passed! I dont have to see her! and for my first test I found I got 80% too. hahaha not bad for a student that she doesnt even like =p

but seriously, this is no reason to continue on this way. I have time now and I should carry on my life with more semblance to a balanced lifestyle. I cannot possibly keep surviving this way. although its very tempting.... sigh.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Creating a market

I've always been thinking about how to make some extra money to fund my hobbies. I know my most expensive hobby is Kpop, next in line being Epsilon haha. I use alot of money and dont have a means to pay back all that I'm using.

I'm thinking of creating an online cosplay shop for Kpop. I guess my primary target customers would be Malaysians haha. Dunno if this is a good idea yet. Making costumes take a lot of time and money. And not sure people are willing to pay for the costumes yet lol.
We'll see where it goes, if ever~

Welcoming the end of the year

Its well into the first week of December already and I have yet to get all my things done. I'm so worried about having a gazillion things not done before the year ends. Not that anything will matter if I dont get these personal goals done, but I feel as if I have achieved less this year if I dont try =p

I always had this problem of over-achieving, but I cant help myself, I like pushing myself. It makes me feel useful, like I have a purpose in life. I know it seems ridiculous to assess myself based on what I do, but I really do believe that our choices/actions define our existence, and so I want to make myself count ^^

tick tock tick tock. I feel the time slipping away. I wish I can hold on to it. Make time freeze. Because I can never get enough of it. No matter how I tell myself I have no hold on life, that it does not matter to me, the truth is, I'm so in love with being alive.

its different, you know. to live and to be alive. I hope I do learn to cherish it properly.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

A brief?

Its 1am on wednesday/thursday midnight. I'm super tired from all the deadlines I've been trying to make. I only wanted to come and give a short briefing on all that transpired, but I'm so tired, I dont think I;ll make it tonight haha.

Off to HUKM tomorrow for my doctor's appointment, and then evening class.
But otherwise I have alot more time to sleep now! so good night! have a nice rest. Sleep is so heavenly!!!


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